Monday, May 31, 2010

Run Away

Walk a little closer to the edge and leave your hand.
There are oceans waiting to be breathed. There are sands waiting to burn. There are seashells to be heard. And there are lives to begin.
My throat is so dry from all the songs I've been singing. To the world but just not to you. Years from now will I be doing the same thing? Will I be thinking as endlessly of someone else as I do of you now?
I'm disappointed in myself. Do you know what that feels like?
I have so much to say. So much to explain. Yet it's unexplained in my head. It's like china that breaks over and over again. It's cyclic and it's fragile.
I sit and trace words to their roots when I know I'm not supposed to. Wouldn't it be easy if we could choose what we thought?
I know I'm not enough. I wonder if I'll ever be? For you or for anyone else. Will I? You tell me.
Fragmented and unwhole. Seeping cracks and this wound that heals and unheals. This infected cut.
Weak. Very weak. Worthless.
I go to that place. I see those people. I don't see you. And I'm so afraid that I want to run away.


Pixie said...

Ahh I like the way you write.

Song on its way. We must gchat!

Rahomie said...

i just saw your comment on my blog. So here's the reply:

Yes i did give the olevel paper. :P
Did you too? :P

And i love your blog. It's the SAX. Maths tomorrow, and i procrastinated by all your posts. I just need a reason not to study maths xP
Love it. :D
You've got a new follower :)

Rahomie said...

by reading*

Nur R. said...

Eeek! Thank you. :$
Good luck of math 2. Yeah. I'm giving them too. But you can't hate math! It's so easy. Cake. :D
Tell me how it goes.

Rahomie said...

haye. Maths is anything but cake. :P
Your p1 went wonderful, i'm guessing? :P

Opinionated Jaahil said...

"Years from now will I be doing the same thing? Will I be thinking as endlessly of someone else as I do of you now?"

Yes. You will. Personal experience, I kid you not.

This is such deja vu for me, but I will let you know that it's not you who will ever be inadequate- not for the person you are with, and not for the people you will be with. You'll allow yourself to go through the process of feeling belittled and you'll feel pain that's very physical throughout. You will love and give like you never have before, and still feel like you're doing something wrong. Sometimes you'll feel like leaving, but you won't be able to because that's just how it works. A few years down the line, when you're older, and wiser, and you can look at in retrospect, you'll be able to laugh it off. It'll still hurt in some forgotten corner, but you'll have gotten over it enough to know that there's more to life. No one right now can influence your decisions or make you do things differently. It's one of those shooting yourself in the foot type of things. But the good news is, no matter what anyone says, it's a phase and you will grow out of it.
Ask Pixie. She helped me grow out of mine.=)

Nur R. said...

I'm not as silly as you think. :D I'm learning. Aiseh hi seekhtay hain na. Yes, yes, I know I was an idiot but now I'm all good and it's all over. SUMMER. :D

Pixie said...

Aww Maaaa-Nooo!! *mwahs for the sweetness*

Nur you have been lost!!! What's going on?

Furqan said...